Dragging my feet

Here we are – third chemo has been absorbed. I know what I said in the past – when hit by the bast of energy coming from relief – that I was coming to chemo with a joyful and willing spirit.

But yesterday night, eve of the treatment, I must admit, I was dragging my feet. I did not even have the excuse of being fed up with the side-effects.

On the contrary, last week was perfect : Spring showed up (we had long minutes of sun breaks here and there those last days) and great shape. I felt energetic throughout the day, no more sudden fatigue ; my skin was healing. I had a natural glow even before I put on makeup, my severely rashed up hands and cheeks were healing. No more metal taste in my mouth; my taste buds were back. I would bite in a piece of chocolate and voila! the rich symphony of succulent flavors would be back, rather than a sugary and flatly mono-chord sensation… I felt just like I had been before chemo ever started (minus hair). I did not feel like doing it all over again.

However, this is the third chemo, which means being half-way there (six are planned). The oncologist told me I had anemia (low count red cells) but otherwise things are going in the right direction. 

Like previously, the only unpleasant moment was accessing the port with an inch-and-a-half needle (the port is very deep and apparently it is sinking deeper??) but everything else went smoothly. I received the wonderful anti-nausea medicine that covers me for 5 days, as well as a steroid for energy, then the two chemo products. Just as it happened before, I experienced this irrepressible sleepiness when they started to infuse, the sensation I was slowing being submerged in surreal sinking sands.

Tonight, I recognize those weird cold drafts that seem to circulate in my veins throughout my body. I had time for a good dinner as soon as I came home – the metallic taste came back two hours later. For the purpose of a scientific experiment, I chewed on a piece of chocolate. Dull is back.

But tonight, I am in good spirits. Spring is still here and all this is temporary. By the end of May, chemo will be over. Meanwhile, in two weeks, I may have again a little window, a teaser of what I will experience in June.