Liver and Baby Goat

The results of the biopsy were long to come. We were restless when we got to the appointment with the oncologist on Wednesday. After a long wait, she arrived with an apologetic smile. “The sage continues!” she announced. The results were not conclusive. The cells from my liver were abnormal and the first lab results could not determine if those abnormalities were benign or not. If there was cancer, the whole picture would be completely altered. Instead of a “stage 1”, caught early, this would be a cancer in stage 4, with a metastasis in the liver. For such a cancer, said the oncologist, “I cannot promise a long term remission.” There is no stage 5. Stage 4 is the most serious.  

Everything was sent to another lab in Seattle, and this time, the results were due on Friday night. From Wednesday to Friday, days were strange – with moments of fear and others were all sensations seemed numbed. On Thursday afternoon, my four fellow chaplains residents and our supervisor prayed for me. During the prayer, I felt calm and lightness come over me.

Eventually, I got the results on Friday night. No cancer in my liver. I literally leaped with joy like a baby goat on a mountain path, as relief went through me like a beneficial wave. We are back to the first picture and “stage 1”. The chemo will start as planned on Monday. As much as I dreaded chemo, I now see it coming without apprehension. Never mind the side effects, losing my hair, all this will be temporary – so easier than what could have been!

I did not imagine I would start chemo with such a joyful heart…