It is right here

It is right here - the pager that will ring up if there is need for a chaplain tonight. It is in front of me, still and silent for now like a big sleeping beetle. But this fragile condition can be broken at any time.

For the first time tonight, and until 8 AM tomorrow morning, I am on call. If there is need for a chaplain tonight at Good Sam hospital, I will be the one being called. As I promised I could be at the hospital in 30 minutes, I don’t need to sleep over there. I am at home, and the pager follows me everywhere I go.

This internship is fascinating. Not only do we learn to listen and walk with patients and their families, in the midst of their pain, questions and emotions. But we are also led to observe our own way to provide this support. So many things to discover about ourselves through this time: what moves me to help others? How can I provide this help without projecting my own fears and beliefs? The most enlightening exercise is the verbatim. As we recollect the words shared during an interaction with a patient, we write down the emotions and thoughts we experienced. We share the verbatim with the others interns and our supervisor and we comment it together. Why were you uncomfortable at this point of the conversation? What would you do differently? We are scrutinized like never before – without feeling under attack. We are all in the same boat, trying to become better chaplains.

All this is still very new and while I am looking at the silent pager and the night outside, I can’t help hoping… stay calm tonight, Puyallup, stay calm.